apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my being single is dangerous.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
