just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
