I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Randomize
