Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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