she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
