i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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