I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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