i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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