I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
