I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
