Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
