If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just tell him i said nine months
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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