Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you didnt know i had herpes?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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