The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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