OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
