My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
