God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
