My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
