There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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