I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
