i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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