That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
