How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
