she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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