Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
