I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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