the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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