I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
