Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i barfeds in our rink
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
