this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
