found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
