And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
