my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
