sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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