if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
