Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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