Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
