I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
