i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
