The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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