why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
