So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my being single is dangerous.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".