Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards