if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
seriously i just wanna be friends
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.