so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
