You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch