Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
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