Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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