And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i think my tv is drunk
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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