If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
