Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
