just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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