we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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