His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
