Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think I sprained my soul last night
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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