This is not my ceiling
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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