the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
This house was built for laser tag.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
