She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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