You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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