We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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