from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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