Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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