he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
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