She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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