I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So vagazzling was a success
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
