That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
