sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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