Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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