but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
