are you still at the devil's house?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
