i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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