even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
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he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
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I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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