In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
