went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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