Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
