part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
