My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm passing your future prison.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
