I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
