maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
