i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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