dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
