Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
