Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
