My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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