I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
