You're earring is so big in my mouth
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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