Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize