It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my shit smells like andre
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
