Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
how does that bad decision feel?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
