This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
