We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
