I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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