how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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