The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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