brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
