also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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