i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
