the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
